Oop! They Did It Again!

Britney Spears' 16-year old sister, high-school junior Jamie Lynn Spears, announced that she is 12 weeks pregnant by her boyfriend. It seems they've been going at their active relationship for 3 years, since Jaime Lynn was 13. He's a 19-year-old pipe layer; a deer-hunting, dirt-bike-riding, former high school class president.

Mom Lynne Spears is furious. Apparently, Jaime-Lynn sold the joyous announcement to OK! celebrity magazine for $10 thousand and Mom Lynn Spears' book on Christian parenting, due out in the Spring of 2008, has been indefinitely delayed. The loss to the abstinence only movement will be immeasurable.

You can't make this stuff up. So, Republican family values voters: how's that ' teaching abstinence only' thing coming along? Of course, if Mama Lynn were a TRUE Christian, she'd march Jaime-Lynn and her inseminator right out to the soccer field, tie a sack around them, bury them up to their necks and let the whole trailer park congregation stone them to death.

"I'm telling the kids Zoey 101 has been canceled." says Arden VanNatten of Schenectady, New York. "I hope Nickelodeon does the right thing and cancels the show. She is a role model for young girls."

Reverend Jedd Clampet of the Lewis Carroll Family Values Coalition announced, "Parents of really ripe, luscious teenage daughters like Jaime-Lynn are encouraged to lie with... er, lie to them."

Also, Rev. Clampet should probably be kept away form "really ripe, luscious teenage daughters like Jaime-Lynn" for their mutual protection. The frustrations of the abstinence only policy probably extend to the Reverend.