McCain Needs More Than a Cain

John McCain is what...117 years old this year? All I know is John McCain is so old that his Social Security number is 3.

He’s so old his favorite after-shave is still Old Spice.

He’s so old that his Secret Service code name is '"The Clapper." McCain looks like the kind of guy who brags that his new denture adhesive allows him to eat corn on the cob. Doesn't McCain remind you of a Wal-Mart greeter who lives in an RV?

He looks like the kind of guy who always asks the driver if he's on the right bus.

He's the kind of guy who is always early for the early-bird breakfast and stays for the senior special.

He looks like a mall walker, or maybe a guy on TV who sells those Rascal electric scooters.

He's the guy at the supermarket who gets confused by the automatic doors.

He looks like the embarrassing uncle who pretends to remove his thumb. After McCain swept the Republican primaries, he purposely stole a line from Barack Obama: 'I'm fired up and ready to go.' When Obama heard this, he stole one of McCain's famous lines; 'I'm old and not sure where I am.'"

John McCain hasa new campaign slogan; 'I will lead you into the 21st century.' I like it better than the old slogan; 'I will lead you into assisted living!"

Another new campaign slogan of McCain's is: 'Ready To Lead America Into The 21st Century.' This is an improvement over 'I've Been Around Since The 19th Century.'"

But the three major candidates have to be very careful when they criticize each other. You can't criticize Hillary because that's sexism. You can't criticize Obama because that's racism. And you can't go after McCain because that's elder abuse.

John McCain reminds me of the old guy who goes to the curb for the paper in his bathrobe and slippers and locks himself outside of the house - and then forgets where he lives when the police get there.

McCain looks like he should be riding a motorized shopping cart in the special quick-check out lane.

McCain looks like he just ate a gopher for breakfast and forget to chew it so he could not swallow it and has to talk around the gopher.

McCain should be running for Methuselah not for President.

Remember what McCain did to McAbel and vote for anyone but McCain.